Obviously I have not been able to reign it in very much. Has there been a lot of anxiety? Yes! More than usual? No (I don’t think so). What’s the difference then? How I am dealing with the anxiety. I need to take this fear in my heart to God.
Actually, I woke up this morning feeling pretty happy because yesterday night there was a major battle in my heart to go buy a chocolate bar after yoga class and I resisted (by some miracle of the Lord!). I reasoned with myself, I prayed, I very nearly gave in….but I did ask myself some important questions that helped:
- Will one chocolate bar be enough? (no, the lust for them is endless, I could eat countless of them…nothing is ever enough)
- What about my goals and my dreams? (being obsessive about food keeps me tracked in an endless cycle of self focus which means I never get to focus on the purpose God made for me)
- At some point, am I going to want to return to eating healthily? (yes, of course! so what is the point to sabotaging myself now or giving up? I can’t afford to lose this battle)
I also prayed and somehow steered my car safely home as opposed to the gas station treats (pathetic, I know!).
I was a bit sobered by the number on the scale still as I had not even dinner because I had been full from lunch. Anyway, just need to keep fighting.