I once went to a therapist for about 6 months. It was expensive and time consuming but useful. The main reason I had started was to address my work issues around procrastination. I still remember her excellent advice to just do something however little….when I complained that that would not get me anywhere at work since there was so much to do…she asked what my current method was accomplishing? LOL…my method was resulting in nothing being done at all so she was right. Even something miniscule accomplished is better than nothing.
She also talked to me about black and white, all or nothing thinking. I struggle with that type of thinking in every area of my life. Either I am super mom who does everything with the kids or I am laying on the couch mindlessly surfing the net while my kids watch TV all day. My kids are either eating plain vegetables for a snack or it is cheetos. Seriously, so crazy.
Yesterday, after a long week of fights with my dad, my husband being out a few nights and the usual negativity and criticism in my own head about my mothering, I got a night ‘off’ courtesy of my generous hubs. I literally could not think of anything I would rather do then sit down and eat chocolate, alone. How pathetic can a person get? I even asked myself whether I could just take a walk or a bubble bath or read a book uninterrupted…..but no….6 chocolate bars chomped! (yes, you read that correctly). The last few, I ate even when I did not feel like it (because who knew when I would get another chance?) After the crazy had settled, I had 1 last purchased bar which I ended up getting up late at night to gobble (because after clearing that from the house I could start a fresh in the morning you see)….when I had had time to think about how crazy I was being. Seven chocolate bars in one night….a new personal record (shamefully!)
Predictably, I woke up quite chastened and vowed that I would have a healthy breakfast. Initially I was even considering skipping breakfast and ‘fasting’ but I quickly recognized that such an extreme reaction was not going to help matters. I was literally in the ‘binge-fast’ cycle. I did have an extremely healthy, low carb (but delicious) meal and vowed to never touch another high carb meal again!!! We all know how that went right? (yup, flatbread and chicken curry for lunch! argh!)
It seems I managed to avoid the initial extremism but quickly got into it again with the totally perfect breakfast and vows about low carb. And then after falling for a carby lunch, my first thought was “I’ve blown it, might as well go get that giant milk shake that I love so much”…..see what I mean by ‘all or nothing’ thinking? argh! Back and forth, from one extreme to another. Absolutely crazy.
Well I was saved today by talking to my husband about the situation. He was compassionate and tried to help which seemed to be exactly what I needed. It also helps immensely if I can sit down and make myself write a blog post. I don’t have any easy solutions but at least I avoided the usual pitfalls today through some intense self-reflection.
If I am to get healthy, you will be seeing a lot more of me in this space.