Day 31 – Healthy Disciplines

Weight: 162.2

Went away for a few days and ate okay (it was set meals although I DID NOT have to have pop!!).  I am grateful for a loss let me tell you.

Had a great time with God this weekend.  Praying with friends, hearing inspiring messages…it was a blessing.  I am very excited about my walk with God right now.

Day 28 – Healthy Disciplines

Weight 163.2

I don’t know what the next 12 days will bring but I am hoping just to stay on track with the disciplines.  Having trouble with sleeping! so annoying.

Today I had a friend over and made a delicious lentil stew.  It was so yummy I had 4 bowls!

 

Day 27 – Healthy Disciplines

Weight: 164.2

I stuck to my checklist today.  I am happy about that and it has helped bring some sanity to my situation.  I hate how four days of mucking about seems to wreck 3 WEEKS of fairly disciplined focus.  Need to think long and hard before I stray off the path of discipline again.  What did I gain for it?  No joy, definitely not peace.  Just a moment of pleasure which very quickly became enslavement to the sugar again. Sin is actually like that. (just an analogy, not saying eating sugar is sin ) Eventually everyone just wants to stop but are not able to stop.  It quickly goes from pleasure to need.

I want to just continue incorporating the healthy disciplines into my life for the next 13 days.  I don’t care too much where the weight ends up (although I had hopes to be out of the 160s…that looks much less likely considering the snuff up!) but I want to continue to grow in discipline and in my walk with God.

DAY ?? – Healthy Disciplines

I went down to 162.2 on Thursday morning. woohoooo!??

Only and except it is Sunday evening and I spent the last two days just cramming food into me.  Even when I was totally full, even when I felt a bit of a headache coming on with the sugar.

What happened?  Well…Friday I woke up feeling a bit depressed/dark.  Then it was tremendously hot and the kids were in a bad mood from lack of sleep all week (school started), and then we had guests coming and they brought dessert…and I ate dessert.  And then I ate another bowl of dessert a few minutes later.  I woke up Saturday morning to find myself at 164.4 in weight.   Today it was even higher (165).  I’m sure tomorrow will be even more so.

I am reminded it is so much less depressing and much more empowering to forgo sugar altogether.  Is a few minutes of sweets on the lips worth this swift downward slide into madness?  Yes those first few bites are yummy and fun but by the next day when I felt all sneaky and totally unfocused on anything except getting the next bite, it felt like I was back in slavery.

What do I need to do when I am tempted by desserts?  Remind myself to ‘taste and see that the LORD is good”.

What should I do when I wake up feeling dark and down?  Focus on just scraping through the checklist, somehow, anyhow.

As you can tell by the title, I did not focus on my checklist at all the last few days and it shows.  The whole point is just progress not perfection.  Just something to hold onto when things are rough.

Tonight I am going to hold on to Him who is the only one who can handle all of me and my crazy.  After all, don’t I believe that this weight thing is just my path to discovering Him?  Yes a thousand times YES.  I am reminded again how much I need Him, want Him…and for the first time this weekend my mind eases ever so lightly.  Amen.

 

 

Day 20 – Healthy Disciplines

(If you are following along closely, you will notice that I have lost a day or something in there but I am too tired to really figure it out so let’s continue)

Yesterday I had 4 pieces of chocolate.  Today I had 3 bites of dessert (plus a handful of chips).  Are these sugar free days?  Is there a bad trend about to happen?  Not exactly sure.  All I feel is that I have a much better sense of how much is too much carbs for me now.  I can certainly get away with a bite or two of carbs.  Anyway the first two bites of dessert are the best ones anyway.  The first one is learning the taste of the dessert…the second bite is your final savour of the flavours.  If I can mindfully enjoy two bites of dessert, it would be awesome.  Let’s see….need to see how this ends because some experts would point to the fact that two days in a row now we have had sugar.  Is a dangerous trend going to happen again?  Again, interestingly, just at the cusp of when I seem to be breaking out of that vicious 10 pound yo yo weight loss journey I am on.

Today’s weight was 163.4!!  I am excited but honestly heaps nervous.  I am in that sensitive period again.  I really want to get permanently out of the 160 range for weight.  I did a fast today for spiritual reasons.  I hope I do not see a big gain in the next few days.  Hopefully I am learning something by going through the rat race over and over again.

Day 18 – Healthy Disciplines

Weight: 164.2

And all of sudden I’m under 165….very grateful to God!  It is His grace in my life.

I was just thinking to myself that I have been losing and gaining the same 10 pounds for the last year (between 172 and 162).  Picture perfect yo yo dieting going on here.  Apparently this is unhealthier than straight up just being stably (is that a word?) overweight.

What keeps happening?  Once my weight goes over 170, I feel  blah and fat and flabby and decide to get serious, buckle down and the pounds start dropping slowly off.  This of course takes like 2 months or so.  Then I get a bit arrogant and a bit excited and I decide to relax little on what I can eat.  So a little white rice goes in…some random dessert….and before you know it, the carb monster is released.  I feel like eating everything in sight.  Argh!! and of course within a week or (max!!) two, I have obliterated 2 months of careful, focussed  (mostly, lolz!) eating.

So that is why at the end of 2016 it felt like I had spent SO much time eating well and trying so hard and then being frustrated as I went no where in the weight department.  For a large part of the year I was working hard.  Unfortunately , when I lost focus in those short intervals, the weight just FLIED back on my body .

Story of every attempt at changing anything right?  To build something is much easier than to tear it down.

What is different this time?  I’m not completely sure and I am honestly SCARED.  One thing is that I am totally focussing on God and seriously going after discipline (as a means to Him).  It really helps to be praying about losing weight and gaining discipline almost every day.  It keeps me humble and focussed.

I am also eating in a way that makes me happy and I have recently figured out how to enjoy even South Asian curries without compromising my eating style.  Rice is my downfall often!  Cauliflower rice was just toooo much work.  But now I just enjoy the same curries over some hearty leafy fresh greens (kale is a fave because we have an abundance in our garden).  For some reason, this tastes delicious to me.  The heat and spice and sauce of the curry softens up the leaves and the leaves are plain enough that it is a good foil for the flavours.  May not work for everyone but it has solved a major problem for me. Being South Asian and having been raised on these curries, it was a consistent point of failure.

The other big area of downfall is dessert/sweet things.  I have just been abstaining in this department for the most part.  I find if I do not release the carb monster then I mostly don’t even care to have any.  To abstain completely is much easier than controlling portions – at least for me.  I have once or twice had one small spoonful from hubby’s special dessert but I stop right there so as to keep carb monster at bay.  This strategy has actually been working.

The other thing that has been great is having my checklist.  During the last 18 days of healthy disciplines, I have not once had a total loss of control over food.  The closest was that day about a week ago that I blogged about where I just kept eating on plan foods.  Having the checklist keeps me focussed on healthy things I can do for myself and keeps me lasered on what is important for me to do to take care of myself.  It really has been super helpful.

We will see how this goes in terms of when I get to that hallowed 162-161 range.  To actually get to 159 and be stable there seems like a miracle but that is what my mini-goal is right now.  I would really feel like I have turned a corner in this battle if I could get there.

Day 16 – Healthy Disciplines

Where do the days go?  I want to write every day through this process but no such discipline yet! lolz (I was going to write ‘luck’ and then realized it is just discipline)

Good news is that despite attending my child’s first day of school mini-celebration with ice cream and cake, I abstained (except for a lick of the ice cream scoop mainly coz I don’t like to waste (rolls eyes at self) and remain at 165 pounds.  We had pizza and salad and I enjoyed once slice fully and then ate the toppings off three more….with the addition of generous salad (kale and avocado, delish!), I was extremely satisfied.  Could not eat another bit really.  (this is the real miracle with low carb, high fat….for the first time in my life, I feel truly satiated…like I cannot eat another bite…it is truly incredible to me…just need to stay off too many carbs to stay that way…and with experimentation I am learning my limits…for example, I was not triggered by the bread in that 1 slice of pizza…very cool!)  Thank you God!

As I embrace discipline, I realize one of its many values…it keeps you going strong when the emotion is not there.  I’m thinking specifically about my relationship with God.  For so long I have floundered in so many areas of my life, most importantly with God, because I was waiting to ‘feel’ it.  And as any high school student knows (but that which has escaped this big old woman), is that feelings are elusive and fickle things.  You have to power through with what you know is right to be and get what you want.