The Aftermath

Weight: 160.4

I feel like I have been inching my way to the 150’s for a long time.  I feel like it has been forever since I have been below 160.

The reality is that if I had not nipped that bender in mid-ish Feb in the bud I would not be dreaming of the 150’s right now.  Instead I would have bounced back up the scales like usual.

What am I doing right these days?

-enjoying my food but keeping it relatively low carb, avoiding fruit (they actually don’t really appeal to me these days!), having very small portions of lentils and rice (the two carbs I can’t seem to shake lolz)

-lots of intermitten fasting.  no specific schedule but just really listening to my body about hunger.  If I’m not hungry I just don’t eat.  Easy enough to do with two small kids to keep up with (funny how they can be a hindrance or a help in my mind depending on my perspective)  Some days I have only one meal…most days I have 2 meals.

-exercising pretty regularly mainly coz I built exercise into my life by forcing my 3 and 5 year old to walk 20 minutes one way to drop off my oldest to school.   This is what makes sense for me regarding exercise…make it part of what you are doing in life anyway.  Bike/walk commute to work, go to the grocery store by walking, garden, cleaning the house intensely….the whole concept of working out as a separate activitiy is such a new one.  In times past, our lives were actual, physical work…and when the day was done you could rest.  I love walking.  Probably my highlight of every day is walking home after dropping off the oldest.  SO peaceful….there is a some push back from the kids regarding this walking regime(our next door neighbor drives her daughter to the same school)  But I stick with it for my health and theirs.  Walking is good for everyone!

-I’m also getting back to taking classes at the gym but I see them more as fun and some time out.  Not really to lose weight.  I’m grateful to have learned and developed that perspective.  In the last four days, I have been to a Zumba, Yoga Pilates and HIIT exercise classes.  Wonderful to have some time a few times of week for some constructive me time.

-learning about discipline and walking with God.  I think understanding that I am developing discipline has helped me so much in holding back from indulging when I feel depressed.  That was my downfall over and over again.  I would have some success and then wake up depressed and head to food for solace.  I am learning the discipline of faith during dark days and it is helping so much to trust in God’s presence even when I don’t necessarily ‘feel’ Him there.  What a powerful life lesson!

 

I may not have perfect routines in my life but there is a consistency which has meant that I am actually seeing some progress on the scales. That is so encouraging.

Another key point to note is that what I am doing is very sustainable and easy.  There is no white knuckling here.  If I am hungry…I get to eat and it is always delicious and lucious food….being such a foodie, I have to eat yummy food to stay the course.  I could see myself eating and moving this way for the rest of my life.  In fact, the foods I eat now are exactly what I would like to continue eating.  The only exception might be sweet, sweet chocolate/desserts in general.  However, I am not craving them which is an amazing thing.

 

 

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Day 40 – Healthy Disciplines

Weight: 162.2

Well over 40 days I was able to lose about 6 pounds…that is nothing to sneeze at.  I wish I had been a bit more committed to the process at the last few days.  I just lost some steam around mid-point and never fully recovered to really pursuing the disciplines and checking them off.  There was something magical about that process.  Maybe I will do another 40 day program?  stay tuned. 🙂

Day 31 – Healthy Disciplines

Weight: 162.2

Went away for a few days and ate okay (it was set meals although I DID NOT have to have pop!!).  I am grateful for a loss let me tell you.

Had a great time with God this weekend.  Praying with friends, hearing inspiring messages…it was a blessing.  I am very excited about my walk with God right now.

Day 28 – Healthy Disciplines

Weight 163.2

I don’t know what the next 12 days will bring but I am hoping just to stay on track with the disciplines.  Having trouble with sleeping! so annoying.

Today I had a friend over and made a delicious lentil stew.  It was so yummy I had 4 bowls!

 

Day 27 – Healthy Disciplines

Weight: 164.2

I stuck to my checklist today.  I am happy about that and it has helped bring some sanity to my situation.  I hate how four days of mucking about seems to wreck 3 WEEKS of fairly disciplined focus.  Need to think long and hard before I stray off the path of discipline again.  What did I gain for it?  No joy, definitely not peace.  Just a moment of pleasure which very quickly became enslavement to the sugar again. Sin is actually like that. (just an analogy, not saying eating sugar is sin ) Eventually everyone just wants to stop but are not able to stop.  It quickly goes from pleasure to need.

I want to just continue incorporating the healthy disciplines into my life for the next 13 days.  I don’t care too much where the weight ends up (although I had hopes to be out of the 160s…that looks much less likely considering the snuff up!) but I want to continue to grow in discipline and in my walk with God.

DAY ?? – Healthy Disciplines

I went down to 162.2 on Thursday morning. woohoooo!??

Only and except it is Sunday evening and I spent the last two days just cramming food into me.  Even when I was totally full, even when I felt a bit of a headache coming on with the sugar.

What happened?  Well…Friday I woke up feeling a bit depressed/dark.  Then it was tremendously hot and the kids were in a bad mood from lack of sleep all week (school started), and then we had guests coming and they brought dessert…and I ate dessert.  And then I ate another bowl of dessert a few minutes later.  I woke up Saturday morning to find myself at 164.4 in weight.   Today it was even higher (165).  I’m sure tomorrow will be even more so.

I am reminded it is so much less depressing and much more empowering to forgo sugar altogether.  Is a few minutes of sweets on the lips worth this swift downward slide into madness?  Yes those first few bites are yummy and fun but by the next day when I felt all sneaky and totally unfocused on anything except getting the next bite, it felt like I was back in slavery.

What do I need to do when I am tempted by desserts?  Remind myself to ‘taste and see that the LORD is good”.

What should I do when I wake up feeling dark and down?  Focus on just scraping through the checklist, somehow, anyhow.

As you can tell by the title, I did not focus on my checklist at all the last few days and it shows.  The whole point is just progress not perfection.  Just something to hold onto when things are rough.

Tonight I am going to hold on to Him who is the only one who can handle all of me and my crazy.  After all, don’t I believe that this weight thing is just my path to discovering Him?  Yes a thousand times YES.  I am reminded again how much I need Him, want Him…and for the first time this weekend my mind eases ever so lightly.  Amen.

 

 

Day 20 – Healthy Disciplines

(If you are following along closely, you will notice that I have lost a day or something in there but I am too tired to really figure it out so let’s continue)

Yesterday I had 4 pieces of chocolate.  Today I had 3 bites of dessert (plus a handful of chips).  Are these sugar free days?  Is there a bad trend about to happen?  Not exactly sure.  All I feel is that I have a much better sense of how much is too much carbs for me now.  I can certainly get away with a bite or two of carbs.  Anyway the first two bites of dessert are the best ones anyway.  The first one is learning the taste of the dessert…the second bite is your final savour of the flavours.  If I can mindfully enjoy two bites of dessert, it would be awesome.  Let’s see….need to see how this ends because some experts would point to the fact that two days in a row now we have had sugar.  Is a dangerous trend going to happen again?  Again, interestingly, just at the cusp of when I seem to be breaking out of that vicious 10 pound yo yo weight loss journey I am on.

Today’s weight was 163.4!!  I am excited but honestly heaps nervous.  I am in that sensitive period again.  I really want to get permanently out of the 160 range for weight.  I did a fast today for spiritual reasons.  I hope I do not see a big gain in the next few days.  Hopefully I am learning something by going through the rat race over and over again.