I was severely tempted by not one but TWO social events with super yummy food on my first day of the fast. I almost caved when Sid’s cousin served up some delicious Sri Lankan food for lunch. Sid reminded me of my vow and I went outside and prayed. I was rationalizing in my head that I had been sick, was feeling weak, etc. therefore I should eat already BUT if I was being perfectly honest, I just did not want to keep my vow. I was just getting greedy for the food set before me. My decision to break my vow was simply based on the momentary temptations.
Thankfully mostly because of Sid’s urgings and watchful eye (I felt guilty breaking the fast in front of him since he knew about it….the rationalizations did not hold water under any kind of scrutiny), I abstained from eating at lunch (just pretended to take a bit of food and all was well). I abstained as well when I was at a friend’s house for church. The latter engagement was much easier to manage. (I guess the Lord knew I could only handle so much as the kids got minor injuries and we had to leave as soon as church was done so I didn’t have to stand around watching everyone digging into delicious food, making excuses)
When I spent the evening praying a bit…I thought about how the Bible talks about people who keep saying they want to hear from God but then they never take it seriously or do what God says. Eventually God stops talking to them. I wonder if I would have gotten sick today if I had eaten? I am guessing not….because God is just not an enforcer like that. I feel that if I had eaten today, he would have just let me alone to my own devices because obviously I was not willing to heed his correction of yesterday. I think if we want to know Him, God is so willing to help us but if we don’t want Him, he accepts that decision.
Anyway, I am SO happy I stuck to the vow truly by the grace of God. I know I will need his strength to continue on this path. I really do want to hear His voice in this noisy world…so hopefully this is a step in the right direction.