(are my titles getting better?)
This morning my weight was 164.2. (yes!)
Today I made some of my classic, usual weight loss sabotage moves that can be SO frustrating. I was going to write about the latest low weight but I guess I just need to write out some of these mistakes I keep making over and over again in hopes that I will stop making them.
- eating the kids’ leftovers! There was some week (and a half probs) old oatmeal that Sean refused to eat (probably coz it tasted gross lolz) and I just couldn’t bear to put it in the garbage (because waste!) so I gobbled it. It was pretty tasteless and not particularly tasty for all the carbs and (I believe) triggering it resulted in.
- letting myself get too hungry – I practice a lot of intermitten fasting (partly for spiritual reasons, partly for health). Sometimes I try to push the envelope a little when I wake up and not eat until later in the day. I think on non-fasting days it is better just to eat a really filling, fat-filled, tasty brekkie and then I set myself up for victory. Obviously this is a delicate balance that I still need to figure out because sometimes I feel great after the initial great hunger. Part of the reason that GROSS oatmeal mentioned above got gobbled was because I was really super hungry when I went to dispose of it and before you knew it I was eating it. When I faced putting the oatmeal in the garbage, I had no will power left and my primal ‘i’m hungry’ brain along with my ‘don’t waste it’ thoughts colluded and down the hatch it went. ARGH!
- having baked goods on hand – will I ever learn? Not good for anyone in my family (including my kids) and still I don’t even want to trash some cookies that I had already offered the kids the day before. They just sat in the fridge and in a moment of weakness, GOBBLED!!! Again they were not even particularly good. When I am strong, I think I can have just about anything lying around but it is just not a smart strategy for me.
- not throwing old food away (kinda related to 1) – maybe this is a reiteration but I think it bears repeating for the third (?!!) time. Why in the world am I hanging onto food that is not good for anyone? Whether it was the oatmeal or the cookies or the seriously stale half a blueberry muffin from 2 weeks ago, why do I keep it around after the initial offer? I need to practice trashing food that is not good for us.
- neglecting to pray through stress and annoyance – I deal with a lot of anxiety and stress throughout my day from negative thoughts about what a bad mom I am to how I should be more efficient and engage the kids more, make better memories, etc… I really need to be in constant prayer and surrender these thoughts and accusations to God. The baked goods were eaten when I had come to the end of a long day. Should have prayed instead
- perfectionism/black and white thinking – The oatmeal really was subpar…I didn’t stop eating it because oh well, I had already started….The cookies were not great but now I was in full on binge/ throw myself down the stairs mode. Especially same thing with blueberry muffin, it was stale bordering on moldy (ewww!..) but I switched off any rational part of me and just went into hiding mode and kept eating it. Because anyway I had blown it…might as well right? Argh! I really need to stop and say every step in the right direction counts. Even if I had stopped half way when eating that would have been better than eating it all. I hate having that I’m on or off the bandwagon mentality. So destructive. I much prefer the perspective of every moment doing my best.