More Cookie Capers

(are my titles getting better?)

This morning my weight was 164.2. (yes!)

BUT

Today I made some of my classic, usual weight loss sabotage moves that can be SO frustrating.  I was going to write about the latest low weight but I guess I just need to write out some of these mistakes I keep making over and over again in hopes that I will stop making them.

  1.  eating the kids’ leftovers!  There was some week (and a half probs) old oatmeal that Sean refused to eat (probably coz it tasted gross lolz) and I just couldn’t bear to put it in the garbage (because waste!) so I gobbled it.  It was pretty tasteless and not particularly tasty for all the carbs and (I believe) triggering it resulted in.
  2. letting myself get too hungry –  I practice a lot of intermitten fasting (partly for spiritual reasons, partly for health).  Sometimes I try to push the envelope a little when I wake up and not eat until later in the day.  I think on non-fasting days it is better just to eat a really filling, fat-filled, tasty brekkie and then I set myself up for victory.  Obviously this is a delicate balance that I still need to figure out because sometimes I feel great after the initial great hunger.  Part of the reason that GROSS oatmeal mentioned above got gobbled was because I was really super hungry when I went to dispose of it and before you knew it I was eating it.  When I faced putting the oatmeal in the garbage, I had no will power left and my primal ‘i’m hungry’ brain along with my ‘don’t waste it’ thoughts colluded and down the hatch it went.  ARGH!
  3. having baked goods on hand – will I ever learn?  Not good for anyone in my family (including my kids) and still I don’t even want to trash some cookies that I had already offered the kids the day before.  They just sat in the fridge and in a moment of weakness, GOBBLED!!!  Again they were not even particularly good.  When I am strong, I think I can have just about anything lying around but it is just not a smart strategy for me.
  4. not throwing old food away (kinda related to 1) – maybe this is a reiteration but I think it bears repeating for the third (?!!) time.  Why in the world am I hanging onto food that is not good for anyone?  Whether it was the oatmeal or the cookies or the seriously stale half a blueberry muffin from 2 weeks ago, why do I keep it around after the initial offer?  I need to practice trashing food that is not good for us.
  5. neglecting to pray through stress and annoyance – I deal with a lot of anxiety and stress throughout my day from negative thoughts about what a bad mom I am to how I should be more efficient and engage the kids more, make better memories, etc…  I really need to be in constant prayer and surrender these thoughts and accusations to God.  The baked goods were eaten when I had come to the end of a long day.  Should have prayed instead
  6. perfectionism/black and white thinking – The oatmeal really was subpar…I didn’t stop eating it because oh well, I had already started….The cookies were not great but now I was in full on binge/ throw myself down the stairs mode.  Especially same thing with blueberry muffin, it was stale bordering on moldy (ewww!..) but I switched off any rational part of me and just went into hiding mode and kept eating it.  Because anyway I had blown it…might as well right?  Argh!  I really need to stop and say every step in the right direction counts.  Even if I had stopped half way when eating that would have been better than eating it all.  I hate having that I’m on or off the bandwagon mentality.  So destructive.  I much prefer the perspective of every moment doing my best.

 

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