You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Many times I would sit in church and just count the moments until I could escape and just eat something yummy. My mind would be fixated on going back into hiding and the release of eating something There was a lot of guilt and shame that social situations in general but church in particular (because with God there is no hiding, at least with other people you can at least convince yourself that you have fooled them) would make me painfully aware of…at least if I was alone I could just hide…hide from everyone, hide from me, hide from God. So food often became my hiding place.
Today in church, I felt the familiar insecurities and shame reverberating ever so slightly – but there was a difference. First, I felt a peace with where God and I were at…we had recently talked (at 2am, no less). Not that I was perfect or had in any way got it together – not in the least! – just that I had been honest with Him and completely relied on Him about it. I was vulnerable and I was trusting Him to hold me. Second, I felt an excitement to return to hash out my feelings and thoughts with Him again in our own private time. I could not wait until night fell so I could fully be aware and in His presence again…with no distractions etc. Suddenly,the place I want to run to is Him. God has become my hiding place. How odd, how miraculous….how nothing short of joyous.