Two weeks ago I went to a bible study where delicious baked treats were on offer after the study. I could hardly behave myself…scoffing as many as I could as fast as I could (don’t even remember what they were??) AND then agreeing to take some home for my two small kids when the hostess was packing up for the night.
My children never saw those treats. Mama ate them all on the 20 minute drive home. And to be honest, that was pretty much my plan the whole time…dishonest much?
This week, I brought home treats as well. The difference is that I calmly put them in the fridge for the kids tomorrow.
I cannot exactly pinpoint WHY the difference. I guess it is the restrictive mentality coming to bite me in the butt. “well, you are not taking very good care of yourself right now…might as well just eat whatever you can get your hands on right now since we don’t know what restrictions tomorrow will bring”. Like either I am on or off…perfectionism’s very dark underbelly. If I am absolutely not perfect in my eating, I don’t try to sort of eat well….I just disappear down the donought hole.
Also it sorta helps that I am seeing some progress in the last few days (167.8!! this morning). And I would dearly love to see that downhill trend continue. I don’t know why I don’t always feel like I want to keep going downward. Part of the problem is that often there are plateaus that just discourage me and make me stop working to see change and give up ( way too easily discouraged!!). Often however, I just get arrogant and think I can have “a lil’ bit” and that I now have a control of my eating and can handle myself from here on in. How to keep that humility and sense of urgency?
Was my night any less memorable or enjoyable because I did not have those treats? I can honestly say no, not really. In fact, if anything, I was more relaxed and enjoying myself more because I was not anxiously thinking about how many more squares I can have without being too conspicuous, etc.
May God see me through one day at a time to fight this addiction.