I know we are a third of the way into June, but I wanted to update my fellow weight warriors (imaginary since no one reads this blog but whatevs 😉 on where I am at.
On June 1st the unthinkable happened…after a month of struggles, I was ‘rewarded’ with a 1 pound weight gain. (163 pounds) Honestly, this memo from my weight scale sent me on a tailspin for a few days, hence the silence on this here blog.
I mean c’mon people? I am asking for just a measley 2 pound loss after one month of at least most days putting up a fight, ya know what i mean? And I didn’t even technically maintain? (although really 1 pound change is really nothing to get my panties in a knot over considering the usual fluctuations of a woman’s weight) Yeah, I was upset even though I knew I should not be.
As I have been somewhat mindlessly self-destructing over the past few days, I have been circling back to my relationship with God. April was a month that I really focussed on my relationship with God and that focus helped me to find the strength to deal with my stress and make small choices that ended in victory. In May, buoyed by my new-found success, I was more or less trying to do things on my own strength….I was even planning a post about what was contributing to my current success (the 5 pound loss in May) and connection with God was not really at the forefront of my mind. You bet it is now. “Apart from me you can do nothing” Jesus said. True words for me in my life for sure.
Please don’t think I am suggesting that God is some genie in a bottle that you get to rub and have a tit for tat relationship(as in if you worship me, I will give you that or help you lose weight)….I don’t believe in that kind of transactional relationship with God at all. I am just sharing my honest experience that connection with God is the source of all real strength and change for me. Truly if that meant not another pound of weight loss ever again, I would still want and desire that connection with God. While frustrating, there is truly nothing more important and I do find life really pointless without Him. I guess in June, I once again lost sight of the fact that I was using the journey of weight loss as a tool to build my character and get me closer to him….NOT using him as a tool to achieve weight loss. That I was leaning more toward the latter was clear in that I so quickly abandoned my times with him once I started tasting sweet success in the weight loss. Embarrassing but true. Thank goodness God quickly showed me the error of my ways and reminded me again of how depressing and lonely life is without him….not only because of the lack of weight loss (or not at all because of that) but because of how pointless things were without Him…..and with Him, all things can be sweet. Amazing but true. May God continue to humble me and show me that everything is all about His glory not mine.