Just Writing After the Binge

It is late.  The family is sleeping.  And I wanted to write.

I want to write that I had a ?binge? today which involved 2 butter tarts, 1 giant coconut cream pie, a huge slice of cheesecake and most of a big oatmeal raisin cookie.  The butter tarts were phenomenal …the rest I could take or leave and literally threw a small bite of the cheesecake out.  (It was actually a surprise when it dawned on me that I could give myself permission to throw it away)

I question mark binge because it was kinda lunch….lol! (as in I did not have any other meal at that point)

If my son wasn’t with me, I was hoping to write my thoughts down before the binge.  But alas, it was not to be…so I thought I would write them after.

I am frustrated with my weight because I stayed away from sugar for 1.5 weeks and still the scale barely budged.

Wish my life was not so navel gazing…truly sad that I am sitting here writing about this topic when others have actual life and death issues they are dealing with.  Now I wish I could be more kind and gentle with myself.  I would never have told a friend that.

My thoughts after a binge?  I feel calmer like I have gotten it out of my system.  Which I know intellectually is not true…it never gets out of my system.  the threat of a month without treats looms so I am blaming that for my recent outbreak.

I thought I was sick of sugar for at least the moment but then I begged for a bit of chocolate from my dad (for medical reasons he always has a stash tucked away somewhere)

Feeding the monster never works…is the sad sad sad truth.

But maybe it is not a monster after all?  Maybe it just likes a cookie or sweet thing every day.  Is that so terrible?  Maybe if I did not think it was so terrible it would be enough?

I have no answers tonight my friends.


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