Perfectionism, my enemy

I think I have written before how perfectionism is something that totally holds me back. Honestly for many years I secretly didn’t get it and thought of it actually as a good thing that I sought to get every detail ‘just so.’  But the more I mingle and observe the healthy, ‘go-getters’ of life, the more I see that they do NOT worry about getting things just so…they focus on action and just getting it done.  Not worrying about being perfect.


My husband is a perfect example.  (Actually I consider it a rare privilege to observe him up close as he is frankly the most mentally healthy person I have ever come across….I am learning a lot about my own madness by seeing how he deals with things).  He is never worried about having all the t’s crossed and i’s dotted….he just focuses on getting the task accomplished satisfactorily.  Don’t get me wrong – he does his research and as much due diligence as seems possible at the time…but then he just goes for it.  As our lives our now inextricably tangled, many of those decisions also involve me and I find myself constantly the obstacle or roadblock in our joint decision making.  Having him around, throws into stark relief exactly how stuck I am and how often I refuse to make a decision about ANYTHING because I am so afraid of making the wrong decision….of course we all know that our indecision becomes our decision….and isn’t it better to choose something rather than have something happen to us because we did not have the courage to do the former?

Another part of my husband’s healthy mental habits is his short memory.  Even if he makes a wrong choice or decision, he just focuses on figuring out what the next best course of action is as opposed to beating himself up regarding the past choice(s) – he forgives himself and moves onto the next needed action.  It really is so much better use of mental energies, isn’t it?  I have the memory of an elephant…I’m constantly remembering past mistakes and shames and failures….and it really holds me back from taking any steps forward because I know from experience how long and painfully I choose to remember the missteps.  But the key here is that I am choosing….I have a choice here.

I have been trying to do a ‘meal plan’ for our family for about 1.5 years….You would think I would just DO IT already and then refine as we go along.  But so far I have read lots of cooking websites and books about healthy eating.  I want to make the perfect plan full of healthy foods that are perfect for my daughter and our family as a whole.  Part of the challenge is that I am not sure whether we should could animal proteins, and/or dairy or gluten…etc…etc….There is so much conflicting information about nutrition out there!! argh!  And I want to get it just perfect. Also, I wanted a plan where there were a couple of frozen slow-cooker meals and most of the work done before the week even begins – that sort of things! But you know what?  It has been 1.5 years!!!  And I still have no meal plan and am constantly scrambling regarding what to feed myself, daughter and husband.  It is stressful and such a waste of my day and mental energy (not to mention EXPENSIVE!!) not to have a plan regarding our meals.  We eat out much more than I like because we just don’t have the food at home prepared.  Crazy how I can make ANYTHING and EVERYTHING so complicated.

So today, I am going to make a meal plan.  And it does not have to be perfect.  Wish me luck!


2 responses to “Perfectionism, my enemy

  1. I loved this post!! I can relate 100% to so much of it…the elephantine memory for mistakes and the perfectionism that paralyzes.

    What’s the cure, O Wise One??? 🙂

    • Cure? still looking for it? haha I think, honestly, it takes courage and practice. It helps to have coaches and mentors. It really has been interesting to see my husband’s approach to things in life …sometimes when faced with a task I find myself asking, “What would hubby do?” to help me view the situation in a new light and ‘get er done” I have also just been humble and asked him for help when I am honestly confused about the way forward in my muddled up head. Hopefully there are such bright doers in your life that you can get help from? Life is so much richer and interesting when we let go of the shame and invite/request others in.

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