Day 10 – More Addiction Talk

Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more — Ephesians 4:19

Funny that yesterday I wrote about having an ‘addictive’ personality (or more correctly that I get addicted to things easily)…I read the above scripture today and the thought immediately struck me that this is like drug addiction.  The context of this scripture is in reference to sin…that as we give in to different sins in our life, we slowly lose sensitivity to spiritual things and eventually give ourselves over completly to it…and here’s the catch…CONTINUALLY keep wanting more and more of that which had promised to satisfy….

…exactly like drugs, how people become habituated to a certain dose level and then need more for the same high and to escape the pain….and I can so relate.  Whatever unhealthy appetite (euphamism for SIN) it has been, I have found that the more I seek it, the more I desperately need…this is the same for money (the more hoarding and nitpicking I am about it, the more money I need to feel secure), man’s approval (man!  this is the worst….I can feel like I am losing my santity when I focus on getting people to like me) and of course, FOOD!  Once I start giving in and getting some food to calm anxiety (instead of eating for hunger)…the situation quickly escalates (descalates?? – we love making up words here at Sanj in the City…:)…then I want more and More and MORE.  Like a fool, every single time I think…oh but this will make me feel better…but actually it is this temporary fix that just leads to greater and greater breaches of personal integrity…where I find myself doing crazier and crazier things (sneaking food, hiding food!) to meet the desperate need in my heart…it seems like it is about food but really it is not.  I keep eating but the hole just keeps getting bigger.

This scripture perfectly sums up my experience.  It is hard to accept against the messages screamed at me, but the truth it seems to me is that no full heart satisfaction can be found in the pretty, pretty things of this world.  If I try, I get lost, broken, depressed and desperate……and hooked, continually needing more…not less as you would hope.  Just like a drug addict.

(interestingly I feel my faith grow as I wrestle in prayer and thought through these things…nothing else explains the shenanagains I see in my own heart and in this world so well)


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