Since starting the new spiritual weight loss program (I hate to call it that because honestly the focus is not weight loss but getting closer to God and using this one symptom – addiction to food – to highlight our need for Him), things have been good.
I don’t feel like I am on a diet. Whenever I crave something sweet, I say…okay, sanji…next time you are hungry, you can absolutely have that somethin’ somethin.’ Usually then I just forget all about it as the moment passes and life is busy with my sweet one year old (!!) I cannot begin to describe how absolutely cool and FREEING it is to be so gentle and permissive and nurturing to myself. Nothing is off limits so I am not too worried if I don’t get X to eat because I can always have it next meal or tomorrow or whenever….the whole food world is my oyster now. Just knowing that it is no longer off limits makes me sigh and feel peaceful because I know it is somewhere waiting for me in my future whenever I really want it.
I think people run into trouble with intuitive eating because they give themselves pseudo freedom…which is no freedom at all. They really don’t trust themselves so as soon as in the beginning when the reins loosen a bit and they see themselves buying 4 doughnuts and scarfing them in quick succession (like I did) they are like, “see I thought so…I can’t be trusted” and soon are plotting in the back of their mind that they will have to go back to some kind of restriction. The more restricted a person has been in the past, the more there has to be absolute freedom and absolute promise to themselves of no repercussions (sorta like a plea bargain…haha)…otherwise the desperation regarding food will still be there and you will still keep reaching to stuff whatever you can in your mouth right now when you have this freedom…as you know that in the hazy future, big bad RESTRICTIONS are lurking around ready to pounce….freedom is like pregnancy I guess….either it is there or it is not….period.
But before even getting to that freedom when you are hungry to eat, there is the challenge is only eating when hungry which means finding a way to deal with all those urges to eat that are not hunger related. And for me, that is where I turn to God…for truth, for solace, for comfort, for satisfaction…that not even a mountain of food can give me.