Day 1 of Spiritual Revival

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

I want to say something real about this scripture not something cliche….but I feel lost for words at midnight.

At least for me, seeking my glory is my solution for my doubts, insecurities and fears.  It is because of my shame/failures that I seek to highlight and want people to notice how great I am or desire accomplishments.  Because I doubt my own worth, I look for validation externally.

The acknowledgement of God changes everything in that firstly  my identity and worth are not based in this world and no longer negotiable.  I am God’s (nuff said) and worth the price of his son on the cross (again nuff said).

For those who think looking to God is seeking external validation, I would get a bit spiritual on you (haha like this post isn’t already..:) and say everything we are and experience are made through him, by him and sustained moment by moment by HIM….so how could we consider HIM external to us?

But if you are not buying that argument, I still need God to solve the cononundrum I find myself in over and over again.  Those who forsake a God suggest trusting oneself and believing in oneself.  My problem is that the truth is I’m a failure.  A failure at all the most important things in life…loving my fellow man especially.  As much as I have looked into pychoanalyzing the guilt and shame away that comes from being simply and ‘perfectly human,’  the truth of my failings still sit there mocking me. Accepting God and His glory suddenly frees me from having to pretend that everything is alright.  It isn’t alright – but here’s the best part –  BUT because it isn’t about me or my glory but about God and His, it’s all good….I can relax and appreciate the ride.

My story is just one tiny thread in the tapestry of life that God is creating. (couldn’t stay away from that cliche sorry!) I can trust Him to take all my failings and somehow work it into something beautiful in the grand scheme only he knows and can manage.

When I forget God, I become frightened by the perceived absolute power over my life that I suddenly wield.  What I mean is that since I am all there is to trust in and believe, then there is a pressure to perform, to get it right that is unbearable – especially when having front row seats to the dark parts of my soul.  This pressure is destructive in that it makes me hide my weaknesses with animal desperation (lying, cheating, putting down, envying) (it is frightening to acknowledge that your God has weaknesses) instead of boasting in them as I would and do when I am again reminded of my rightful small place in God’s universe.

I have wanted to lose weight for many reasons in the past…all mostly to do with myself (I want to pretty and get people’s attention…I want to wear these clothes, etc)….all for my own glory.  Unfortunately I have found myself a capricious and unworthy God…If I am losing weight for me, then of course I can eat that chocolate bar for the SAME me who wants that right now….trying to glorify what is not glorious has gotten me into a lot of trouble and frustrations over the years.

Anyway, I can honestly say that currently my deepest desire is to prove to myself that God is glorious and worth it….worth even more than that chocolate bar.

I have worshipped many things (food, money) and people (myself, men) over the years….it is time to worship the only ONE who is worthy of worship.

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