I have been a self-professed follower of Christ for about 17 years. Unfortunately the last time I felt truly and consistently connected and growing in faith was 2003/2004. I assume that last statement must bring up some obvious questions that I will outline and answer…
1. What happened in 2003/2004 which made it such a banner spiritual time?
I broke up with a boyfriend in a catastrophic set of circumstances which literally shattered my heart and spirit (dramatic much?) and drew me absolutely and humbly towards God. It is, bar none, my favourite time in life with God as there were many mountain top, I-will-never-forget, prayers that changed me from deep within. I came away saying “wow” is God ever AWESOME!! (even though breaking up was of course sad) To this day I look on those times with a great deal of nostalgia and fondness. I truly discovered why 2nd Corinthians 1 says that God is the ‘father of all comfort’.
2. What made you come down from that ‘mountain top’ then?
Ironically, being healed so completely and beautifully meant life soon took on its dum-de-dum-dum ho humness and everything returned to normal and I was not desperately turning to God anymore and then my passion for Him just slowly lost its strength (I am ashamed to write the latter but its true)
3. So then why do you still call yourself a Christian and go to church and stuff? I mean 2003 was like 10 years ago woman!!
Because every so often in the last 10 years or so I have seen hints of His majesty and His divinity and I JUST CANNOT TURN AWAY FROM HIM. In fact, just reviewing all the different times I have been touched by Him moves me….even though I walk through this dessert of faith He does not leave me. Those flashes of brilliance I have seen of Him can and will keep me going for a lifetime I think…I believe that He wants to show me so much more and I hang on because I know He is faithful.
4. So why are you telling us all this?
Since God by very definition is AWESOME, then it is logical to conclude that if there is a disconnect between us, then it is of my own making. I have come to a juncture in my life where I really want to know God for myself for all He is worth….He promises “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13 I honestly feel like I have every good thing life has to offer but there is an emptiness because I do not feel deeply connected to God. I want to take God up on His offer. I have very rarely done anything with all my heart…it is time.