TMF -154.2 – June 28, 2012

I have been sugar free (except for Bran flakes…yes, sadly they too are sugarified) for five days and my weight reflects this fact.

(I will discuss in another post how I managed this relative dietary purity)

BUT today, I am learning that if I really love something, I can enjoy it more if I have small quantities.  The less I have of it and the more rarely I have a sweet, the more conscious I am of the eating of it and thus the more actual enjoyment I derive from it.

…this kind of thinking runs directly counter to our ‘more/bigger is better’ conventional wisdom that is rampant in our world today.

THis is coming from someone who without blinking an eye could consume 5 plus chocolate bars in one sitting.  I would eat them quickly, sometimes with barely a chew…seeking that elusive ‘something’ that after even 5 chocolate bars down, just could not be found.  I was left empty and wanting with a distinct urge to consume more.  Other than maybe the first few bites, I cannot say I really ENJOYED these sessions.  They were too filled with need, anxiety, guilt, desperation, even physical pain from over eating….to be considered enjoyable.

Sometimes I complain to the hubster that all this ‘eating healthy stuff’ is ‘ruining my life’ (dramatic, much?)  I mean I love having a sweet treat…it is my joy in life for goodness sakes! (I know…dramatic AND pathetic…I know, I know)But when I stop and really reflect, having the occasional treat that I plan and anticipate and SAVOUR (sloooooooowly) is really a LOT more enjoyable.  First of all the guilt is not there because I know this is just a very occasional treat and that I eat very well most of the time….so there is peace in the eating.  Mainly, because I am eating so little of such things, the flavour and sweetness is just so much more of a dramatic and exciting contrast….ups its deliciousness tenfold. In some perverse way, I’m actually eating less sweet things these days precisely BECAUSE I enjoy sweets so much!  I am finding if I really want to enjoy them to the max then I must have less of them… cool is that?  I am learning to tell myself…”well self, if you have that chocolate croissant then you may not enjoy that ice cream cone your having later this week as much…do you really want that?”

I am sad that I for so long was under the bondage of the lie that more sweets are my enjoyment therefore the more I have the better. When I do get out of control with sweet things, it is really a sickness in my mind and heart that is being manifested in my eating…it has nothing to do with loving sweet things (at least in my case).   Obviously, I still have work to do with the anxieties and crap that cause me to overeat in the first place but at least I can honestly put to rest my on-going fear that I am missing out on my favourite treats.  I’ll actually enjoy them more if I have them less frequently.



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