I do a LOT of going on about so many of my weaknesses on this blog; lack of self-control, disorganization, lack of integrity….to name just a few of the nasties that challenge me daily…
I wondered briefly today what those reading might be thinking of me?
Live feedback has ranged everywhere from brave to silly…I’m sure there are probably even worse and maybe better thoughts but I guess at the end of the day it is not that important to me. We live in a world of facades…smoke and mirror lives lived with constant fear of being ‘found out.’ I have been down that path many times in my life…even now I struggle with such tendencies (pretending to know it all, be really health when surreptitiously scarfing chips & chocolate). For example, I often find myself answering questions when I really don’t know the answer…how silly is that?
Whenever I really get to know someone deeply, I’m surprised by how messed up inside they are…with hangups or hurts…I’m also surprised at how similar we all are in our sensitivity and pain. Wouldn’t life be a whole lot easier and simpler if we all just ‘fessed up? The we could cry, hug, accept, help and move forward together…with no self-righteousness, no condemnation.
But I do understand how difficult this is….As I strive for a real life and everyday as it is hard to be true, I recognize that facing who you really are is not easy. I especially dislike the petty jealousies and greed that I have in my heart. I daresay this process of awareness, acknowledgement, and change would not be possible for me if I did not have God to trust and hope in….I mean, if you do not have confidence in light at the end, how can you keep walking through the tunnel’s darkness?
…and beyond just giving me hope, I find as I come to the limits of my pitiful strength, God provides for me, in ways I cannot fully understand much less explain. I remember again that the whole point is that I am small and little and the creation….and He is big and mighty; THE CREATOR. I suspect that life is much more about humbly accepting and being in our smallness, then doing something big.
“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
-2nd corinthians 2:9b – 10