Things you learn in love

…that the quality of love you experience is much more about the character of the person expressing it then about the awesomeness (or lack of awesomeness) of you.  Meaning what you ask?

Since childhood, we have learned to develop our self-image from the reaction of those around us.  Thus, those who were raised in a loving home by-and-large are able to feel pretty good about themselves and those raised in a home filled with hostility and rage learn to hate themselves.  As children, we do not know any better, and so believe however people behave around us must be elicited by us.  It is an unconcious and usually unquestioned connection we make until far into adulthood. 

Do you realize that surly gas attendant is just grumpy at the world?  He probably has a story that could break your heart if you cared to listen and he cared to share…

Do you realize your father never said a nice thing about you because no one ever said a nice thing about him growing up? It’s not personal, it is much more about his issues than yours.

Do you realize that that mean girl at church/work/school who spread vicious rumours about you and loses her temper really doesn’t hate you?  She hates herself and doesn’t have space enough in her spent body for all that angry poison boiling inside.

Adulthood means that you make a decision and choice about who you are and your worth.  I would personally suggest going to God and His Word and ask Him to show you your identity and worth…it would blow your mind.

Why do so many of us leave terrible relationships questioning our own worth and value?  We have internalized our ex-partner’s spoken (and even more subtly damaging, unspoken) expressions of self-hate directed our way, making us question our worth.  Even when they directly attack us verbally they are revealing much more about who they are then who we are…

When a new romance unfold there are those first  few weeks/months of wild infatuation wherein you believe in magic, and changing people and all things nice.  You are told (and maybe you tell them) that they have never met someone who makes them feel this way.  They tell you that you inspire them to be better and in fact they are a changed ‘man’ because of you….And then the fantasy fades and gives way to reality….and the reality is that character matters (like in everything else in life).  And their character (something developed over the course of years) is what you will experience…not beauty, charm or looks.

How you will eventually be treated in that relationship will be how he/she treats everyone else….because the quality of love you experience is about the love that person has in their heart.  Do not be deceived, we cannot change people.  People have to chose to change themselves.

(Of course now if everyone is reacting in a similar way to you…screaming and running out of the room at the first sight of you…check out the ‘patterns’ blog post of yesterday….you may want to explore internally too…)

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