My friends have a running joke about me….if on the rare occassion they actually catch me at home (’cause I’m always out!), and if they ask what I’m up to….my answer is sincerely and always;
It is the same at work. I am ALWAYS organizing and YET…
I’m one of the most disorganized people I know. I wonder why that is?
Partly, I think it is perfectionism. Since perfection cannot be reached, then I cannot ever consider myself organized and such with my all-or nothing, black and white mindset, there is no point in being neat or tidy about the next object/paper/article of clothing that comes into the room or desk….just add it to the pile. (you can imagine the pickle of a situation this creates!)
Partly,I think it is my LOVE for drama. I know this may seem VERY bizarre to you normal people out there, but in my secret heart of hearts I sometimes imagine my way all the way to perfect organization….and I find myself….BORED. Nothing to do…life feels a little flat without constantly flirting with the edge of disaster that my chaotic piles brings me…..YES, it is unbelievablely stressful and annoying and awful BUT it must be reinforcing in some way…I vote for the excitement it brings. It is also almost a cause for pride maybe….’look, my life is so crazy yet I make it work…hahahaha…” or something wierd like that. Now this is not my most conscious thoughts…they just kinda lie around here and I’m just sorta squishing them to see if any juice comes out of them….(am I losing you…sorry!)
I have a dream though….I have a dream that I will be organized…I wonder what that would take? I wonder what that would look like for me?