Chatting with a Kiwi

No sillies!  I did NOT have a conversation with that the fuzzy, green Kiwi fruit. 

I spent an interesting evening chatting with a young gentleman from New Zealand today.  We had a talk about male – female relationships and it reminded me how valuable it can be to have friends of all sorts – it challenges your thinking and causes you to examine your sometimes unconciously held beliefs.

He was fairly attractive and very successful…no doubt used to a lot of female attention, the quintessential player, perhaps?  His perspective on dating and women in general was at best saddening.

I wonder why it is that people think you can just turn on and off character/behaviour?  He imagines that he can be as promiscuous as he wishes, treat human beings (women) with as much respect as paper towel (used, and then trashed)…and then one day (magically!!) be completely faithful and wonderful to the mythical Ms. RIGHT that will come along.  Even just at the neurological level, doesn’t he know that the neural pathways that he’s hardwiring in his 20’s are going to affect him later in life?

ANOTHER EXAMPLE of this FOOLISH THINKING:  A friend of mine plays video games every night.  He finds it relaxing and yet says that if he were to be married he would definitely not play them….and his children wouldn’t even be allowed to get near them.  So obviously he knows it is harmful (or at least unproductive to be playing to such an extent) such that he wouldn’t want this lifestyle for his children…yet he continues, thinking he can just switch off this behaviour down the road.  Habits are VERY powerful things…who you are is not going to change just because something on the exterior changes (such as marriage) 

I’ve fallen prey to the same thinking so often.  When I didn’t have a job for 8 mos, I was pretty undisciplined with my time.  I thought once I got a job, I would be SO disciplined with my time???  Well guess what?  Yeah, exactly…not so much, my friends.  Discipline is still a problem!

Also, there was a time in my life  that I would say I would take care of my appearance once I have a boyfriend or husband…and I legitimately believed this….there is all sorts of crazy thinking involved with the why..we’ll explore later but for now as you know, I’m still single!  I imagine my prospects may have been improved through the years if I had made some more effort….but honestly I realize now that there is so much truth in the fact that the best indication of future behaviour is past behaviour.  If I didn’t have the discipline now regarding my appearance, really would I with a partner in tow?   

I’m learning that external changes will not fix/correct internal issues….Character just can’t be purchased overnight or manipulated into being….either you grow it with concious and painstaking effort and focus….or who you are will just remain the same.

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