UPDATE ALERT: About a month ago, I had a gentleman caller pursuing me quite vigourously….he was from a distant land, a day’s travel away (bear with me people…as per usual, I’m feeling dramatic…hehe)
I had a couple of epiphanies about the whole experience;
1. Being pursued aggressively by someone (you find attractive of course…otherwise he’s just a stalker…terrible but true) is heady stuff…for a woman this always has been and always will be a dangerous place…she needs to keep her wits about her so doesn’t get swept away from the attention by putting her Sherlock Holmes hat on and really digging for the character underneath all that flashy, exciting ardour….(and we wonder why ‘the Sanj’ is single with this kind of phraseolgy up her sleeve?? hehe) Looks, academics, money, charm…will all fade and start really grating without good character….in a relationship you can ‘enjoy’ that superficial stuff, but you ‘experience’…(day in, day out) CHARACTER.
2. Prayer is important: It was awesome not worrying about all the implications and ramifications of the weekend and just leave it all in God’s hands. I also prayed for a some specific indications and clarity about the matter FOR BOTH OF US…and it was so cool how it fizzled on both sides pretty quickly after the weekend…phew…saved me that let down email…..I mean who wants to write that puppy? I sure don’t people!
3. Get advice: I talked to lots of people, focussed especially on married woman. One woman asked me whether I was being faithless by even considering him because he was SO unlike on so many levels what I had been looking for…never saw that faith perspective. She challenged me to some serious prayer….Another one asked didn’t I know enough considering his past to just walk away….she had a good point…even before the weekend there was a lot of baggage that if I was really honest I couldn’t have lived with….
4. What I want: Someone I can relate to….seems simple enough….but it took me a few days of prayer to wrestle down that thought. What I want in partner is someone who gets me and that I get…(hey maybe not earth shattering for you, but I’m a slow learner when it comes to stuff in general but especially relationship stuff….so cut me some slack! 😉
5. Jane Eyre – my favourite scene in the classic book by Charlotte Bronte is when Jane faces the man who she is DESPERATELY in love with, who wants her with equal desperation… and Jane decides to leave because he is married!!! In today’s world, this would hardly pose even an issue…goodness he’s in love……who cares if he’s married? He should leave her and be with his true love.
But to give him even more of an out; his wife is and has been totally insane having married her through some strange foul play. Who could possibly blame him for going back on his marriage vows?
Jane apparently… because she delivers this awesome line, “God does not give us rules for when things are easy but instead for when things are difficult”…e.g. it is for precisely in those times when things are confusing that we should cling to God’s rules so that confusion can be dispersed if one is willing to bite the bullet. LOVE IT! GO Jane!
….what does this have to do with me and the man from across the sea?? Well, (as per usual) EVERYTHING. Without going into details to protect the innocent I will just say God revealed to me something about my guy friend which was directly against my afore set values and that became the deal breaker….the conviction developed in the past helped me make a decision of today.
“….do not let your emotions lead you where your values would not.” (Henry Cloud/Townsend)