The last few days I have been busy with helping my new roomate move in. She lived on her own so has a whole household of stuff to move into my **tiny-with-no-storage** 2 bedroom apartment. Not surprisingly every spare surface was covered with boxes…we had to gingerly sidle our way around the jungle of clutter.
Interestingly, this experience has brought out someone in me that I thought wasn’t there: Miss. Control Freak…I never thought of myself as such before…AT ALL….I would always characterize myself as easy going or laid back….however seeing those piles of boxes and trying to get them unpacked before an brunch event I had (strategically? 😉 planned on having the next day really shook someone ugly out of me. Obviously she has been hiding there all along. It just took these circumstances to bring her to the surface.
I wanted my roomate to unpack my way, on my timing according to the way I do things. I belittled, coerced and mocked her. I silently judged her for having different values around stuff than I do…sure I may not have any DVD’s or CD’s but who am I to look down someone else who enjoys or appreciates such things? It is embarrassing to admit that I can be such a bully. Thankfully my new roomie is a mature and gracious woman who took things in stride and forgave me when I apologized later.
I know I am very harsh and mean with myself (remember Paula Perfectionist?) I think that is the root of judgementalism…you are harsh to yourself and so are harsh with others. When we treat ourselves with much grace (and ultimately this comes from knowing and understanding God’s grace towards us…because we are such failures)….we learn to treat others with grace. When I’m disconnected with God’s grace, I become disconnected to treating other’s with grace.