As promised: Poetry (1)

The Sanj;  she went, she saw and she conquered. 

I have come to report to you from the world of Spoken Word Poetry….it was a blast of an evening as I heard some great artists perform and the Sanj herself got up there and threw in her 2 cents of poemy goodness (??).

I did not progress beyond the first stage of competition (12 randomly drawn poets competing)….but I was happy to have taken the stage at all…I was definitely a bit nervous after hearing how great the others were…BUT then I realized this is all for fun AND there was no point in being negative…Here’s one of my poems:

“The last birthday card I gave you spoke of our shared history,
our unique past because we were both raised by our parents.
Maybe that we get along because they never got along.
An explanation for our strangeness, our derangedness, our you-can’t-changedness.

We were their life’s work, their contribution, their rendition.
Meant to outshine, outlast, outlive, outdance, outBE
But it was not to BE
The only out was lights out when the glow in your eyes was
pressed out,
crushed out,
by death’s indifferent fingertips, unsinged by its unholy act.

The Big C you called it,
That cancer that swiped your life, like a brazen thief
Who came through the front door uninvited and left through the back with you in tow.

Soon after losing you, I saw them on the bus.
2 little girls minding their own business but I couldn’t help but stare
One, tall, slender, bossy…just like you
The other, chubby, smiley, distracted….just like me.
Just like us.
Just like us, two very different peas in a pod, an anomaly,
just like you and me.

A bus full of humanity
Pretending not to see my face full of longing
My gaze full of tears
Looking at girls full of our yesterday.

I sat on the curb that night after the bus dropped me off
Raging against God because of his seeming unfairness
Others hated their sisters, yet got to keep them
You were my best friend, CORRECTION, ARE my best friend,
…and I couldn’t keep you.

I used to hate that I could fool everyone in the room but you…
Now I wish someone, ANYONE would call my bluff.
I forget what it is to be known that well.

Just like you taught me how to eat with my mouth closed,
You taught me that tears lose their saltiness when you cry enough.

Can anyone else share with me, bear with me the gift and weight of our past?
Now I’m a one-man caravan without a compass.
I used to think if I didn’t have you as true north
I could go east or west or at least south…but it turns out you got to know
which way is up to dig yourself out.

A decade now without you, the you that was supposed to be there every day.
10 years, and most days I don’t recall your hole in my universe.

Your dying got me thinking, got me living.
“No regrets, no regrets”, slides easily off people’s lips.
Why then do they sink deeply into grudges like footprints in concrete,
getting harder by the hour?
Why forget to call your mother and leave discord when parting with another?
Life’s too short for the grip of bitterness,
too long for the hold of the past.

That last birthday card spoke of the exclusive club of siblinghood
where no new members are allowed,
So though I am grateful for your life and have come to accept your loss,
I know…

No one will ever get me, like you got me.”


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