The Growing Single

I *hate* going to weddings’ of family friends. 

Don’t get me wrong – I love the dressing up in Indian attire (most gorgeous stuff…I pity the woman not born Indian…;), yummy food, uninhibited dancing scene and the general coming together and revelry of people which weddings afford…

My problem is that each time I see one of my parents’ friends/acquaintances (and there are lots of these as typical Indian weddings average 500 people), they  ask something along the lines of, “so….when is your turn?” (only the Lord knows!), ” so have you found someone yet?” (not yet, anyone you want to suggest? 🙂  or my personal favourite, “you must be liking someone, just tell me who the boy is and I will go talk to him myself…” (rrrrrrright…a conversation with a random fellow such as yourself is going to convince him when the knockout combo of my stunning good looks and vivacious charm didn’t…hehe…I think I’ll pass…)

…furthermore, old Indian people do not pull any punches.  They may not have seen me for 15 years but they feel NO WAYS about coming up and asking the questions above or telling me that I have gained a bit of weight, or that I’m beautiful and smart (BUT getting older) and that I should stop being picky…and other such exceedingly personal comments/questions… 

Disturbingly, lately the questions have petered off giving way to saddened doe like eyes and a slow shaking of the head upon the sight of me.  I feel like I am the walking embodiment for all that is tragic in the world….I can almost see the mothers cloistered in corners advising their little girls to shape up or they will end up like ‘the Sanj’…..Eeek! the unmitigated horror of being single! 

(Okay, yeah, I’m being a teensy bit dramatic…but honestly not by much…) 

Recently, a single girlfriend of mine shared that she was battling feelings of envy seeing all her contemporaries with their husbands and beautiful children.  She felt like their lives moved forward while hers was stagnating….

Why does our society put such an emphasis (especially for women) on being in a romantic partnership and specifically marriage?  I guess I can understand if you are raised in a traditional society and there are barriers for women towards other routes in life development (and so I give much grace to my old Indian folks…teasing them and asking them to pray for me whenever I get these comments) …but here in North America, I think it is so sad to be trapped in such a hopeless perspective…

Certainly, in the past, I have felt the same envy and stagnation but have realized what a lie the whole thing is….changing your life situation does not change what is inside of you….if you are unhappy and unfulfilled outside of a relationship, you will eventually be the same within a relationship…plus bring someone else down with you…I have a lot of married friends…and quite frankly would not want 97% of their marriages….sad but true…. (and hehe…I live a life which is the envy of some of my married friends!)

I told my friend that once she stops ‘waiting’ for her life to begin (phew…what a lot of pressure to put on a man’s shoulder!) and start building the life of her dreams, she will not have time to worry over or envy her married friends’ lives.  Personally, I don’t think truly valuable development in life has anything to do with marriage or buying a house or getting a better job….Pushing, growing the limits of WHO you are, not WHAT you are, makes life exciting (at least for me! :)…maybe I’m some kind of wierd narcissist but I’m having SO much fun discovering who I am, who this person God created me to become is…

….and if and when someone does come along, the relationship will go so much better because of this awareness. (double bonus!!)

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One response to “The Growing Single

  1. you go girl! keep growing inside-out, 7 habits style, and for that matter, God’s Word style…

    a new insight about Parable of Talents: what did God expect the person with 1 talent to do?? at the very least grow personally. what else does it mean to put 1 talent in bank and gain interest?

    be strong, take heart mighty warrior!
    if God is with you, who can be against you?
    she who refreshes others will herself be refreshed!
    God has great plans for Sanj, to prosper her and give her hope and a future!
    … thrive!

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