Dear Readers (to all 22 of you)

It has been little over a month since I started to write consistenly.  According to the blog stats, 20 or so of you check this site regularly.  Some days I’ve had as many as 56 people visit!  Since I have not really advertised, these numbers are surprising and heartening as like most writers I do want to be read.  THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING ALONG!!! 

Some readers are real life friends, which is nice as I get live feedback.  Whenever someone mentions my blog or I even think about it, I smile.  My heart kinda skips a beat…similar to being in love.  One friend said she was ‘addicted and couldn’t wait for the next entry.’  I had a fan! Folks, I nearly fainted with joy.

Besides the numbers, here are some things that have surprised about this venture;

1.  Enjoying Writing:  I had no idea I would enjoy writing  THIS MUCH.  It is calming, fun,  and extremely therapeutic.  Private journalling had helped me  during very difficult times but I found  as soon as the crisis was over, I would get lazy about writing regularly or with the writing itself. An audience compells me to dig deep, be creative and refine my thoughts.

2.  Different Conclusions: As I write, I work through so many thoughts and challenge my positions seeking to be honest, and so sometimes at the end of the post I am at a very different place then I first imagined. It has been very interesting to experience this process.

3.  Honesty is NOT easy:  It is so difficult to be real.  So many times I have written something and then realized two sentences later that it is a lie…that what I had written was simply part of the image that I’m protecting and wanting to project.  Sometimes I am even at a loss for truth, not being sure of what my feelings are…

Some things that have been great about having this blog…

1.  Accountability:  I briefly mentioned on my last post how knowing that I have to post my weight stopped me from sliding into bowls of icecream and no-excercisetude.  Even today, I was super tired after church and contemplated going home and digging into some delicious, unutritious takeout but remembered by blog weightloss goal that I will have to report to you about.  I was at the gym before I knew it…:) 

2.  Super Cheap Therapy:  While there is some (limited, granted! 🙂 debate as to whether I require therapy, nevertheless, writing consistently has been really helpful in sorting things out in my head.  I specifically think of the mysterious phantom ‘love’ of mine and coming to the decision that I needed to step back from that relationship.  Honestly, I believe without writing in this blog it would have taken me a lot longer to distance myself from that stunting liason.

3.  Propelling Action:  Because I really enjoy entertaining you guys, I often force myself to take action on things that previously I would have just pondered very hard and very long about and then did exactly nothing about…Paul Perfectionist has met her match in my blogging fever.  The need for blogging material is causing me to DO SOMETHING, instead of just thinking about doing something.  Case in point, is my recent dating website jaunt.  My desire to discuss what happens, keeps my nose to the grind (ah, the romance…lol!) when it comes to following up with this site. 

4.  The Simple Joy:  Doing something creative you love every day is so joy-inducing.  God is so creative and I think he made people to love creating.  I had not realized until now how lacking in creativity my life was….it is a joy to have rediscovered this part of my soul. 

5.  Auto-biography:  I am producing something here…a legacy and history for myself to relect upon. I love having this record of my thoughts.  I do believe that one day I will quite enjoy reading through these entries and (hopefully!) marvelling at the growth and changes. (here’s to not cringing anyway 🙂  

 The challenges of a public blog are as follows;

1.  People-pleasing:  My sinful nature has always been people pleasing and always will be.  My goal on here is honesty and ultimately I am writing for myself and myself alone.  However, I find myself constantly fighting the urge to write what I know you would enjoy and worrying about how you will perceive me because of what I write.  I think that I may need more of a focus to secure my readership or that I need to write more consciously, spiritually, etc.  Very counter-productive when the whole point is trying to just be honest about who I am.  

2.  Being an example:    As much as I want this to be a completely personal journey, I reflect God…I reflect Christianity…I represent my family.  I have to be careful what and how I say it because it is a reflection on God and my family, my friends.  Especially, when it comes to God, I want to make sure that I represent my faith accurately as it is essential.  I do not live in a vaccum and nor do I want to and with that comes responsibility for what I write.

3.  Protecting the innocent:  So much of what I want to write about is relationships with others.  My opinion on what transpires in my life.  Unfortunately, this involves you….and I need to respect your privacy.  Write too many of the ‘juicy’ details and….the Sanj may not have many fans left in real life.  (although I guarantee it…it would be a great read!) 🙂

4.  Protecting my future self:  I am always cognizant that future employers, subordinates, friends, family, etc. may access what I write in this public domain.  As desperately as I want to spill my guts with no holds barred, I cannot responsibly do so…   

(hmmm…this has turned into a LONG post….and all I really wanted to say was…)

Thanks for reading. 🙂

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