It’s past time for another installment of The Morris Files wherein I have a chat about my chub with you all.
My love affair with food began early. Even at the tender age of 6 months, I consistently out-ate my 2 year old sister…apparently I would cheerily, chomp (toothlessly!) down as many peeled grapes as I was given. Between my mother’s over-enthusastic feeding (brought on by relief after having a very picky eater for a first born) and my equally enthusiastic consumption, I was actually put on a diet at 6 months by my doctor – obviously a true pioneer of the whole health and fitness thing.
My siblings’ lack of affinity to food always baffled me. Why would you ever stop at just one piece of chocolate cake goodness if there was more to be had? Hence they were very skinny kids and I was always the ‘fat one’….of course looking back at the pictures it is clear that they were just skinny little freaks, and I was totally normal….:)
Being ‘fat’, unatheltic, chubby, well-covered, big boned, plump, out-of-shape, larger…whatever, has always just been part of my identity growing up in my family. Although my parents occasionally did point out that the others were too thin and I was fine, I guess the other messages (like being placed on a diet at 6 months maybe!?!?) were too powerful. Unconsciously, I just accepted this verdict about myself and never questioned it… whether ‘deserved’ or not. Such labels once assimilated, are a glass celings in you life, stunting your growth imperceptibly but extremely powerfully. And scarily enough, even if inaccurate, if believed long enough, they do become self-fulfilling prophecies. From being a fairly average sized kid, I am now an overweight adult.
I have no idea how much I can attribute this extra weight to my perceptions about myself as opposed to my love of that substance of heaven (aka chocolate) or my emotional coping mechanisms revolving around eating…I mean its not like when I think about passing on dessert or going for a workout a little red devil pops up on my left shoulder and whispers, “eat the chocolate, remember you’re the chubby one” or “don’t workout, how are you going to conform to your mental image if you melt the fat this way!” (although that would be kinda wild!). I am rarely conscious of the mental processes if any except in that I see their physcial manifestations on my delicate boned (:) frame. I do however know that our minds define our reality…to change our reality, we must first change our minds…to lose weight I do believe I have to mentally embrace ‘the Sanj’ as being of healthy weight.
As I said in my first post, this blogging journey is discovering who I really am, who I was meant to be…to shake off the labels imposed from the outside and discover the unadulterated me. Part of that journey is making conscious choices about my identity. Well I choose a fit Sanj. My body shape, which I LOVE by the way, will never conform to the ‘skinny’ of today…I just want to be the best that I personally can be physcially…
What labels have you accepted about yourself from your childhood? How do you think they may be limiting you?