Reason not to blog

I am snarky.  There is no two ways around it. 

I’ve said before how much I had always wanted to blog but my snarkiness always held me back.  It is so easy and natural for me to be snarky about people and events.  I was scared of the damage I could cause, hurt that could occur.    I toyed with complete anonymity for my blog for awhile but that seemed cowardly if the main reason was to snark in secret. 

A better path seemed to deal with the character issues such as arrogance and criticalness and find a voice and humour that was not based on these.  This is not easy.  More than once, I’ve had to edit entries after they were published because on a read over a day later they sounded bitter and harsh….much too sarcastic and mocking of others.

Sometimes it is frustrating because I feel like this is just who I am.  My dad shows verbal affection through mockery and it is one of the most natural ways I relate to others.  It was quite a revelation to me that people relate in other (healthier!?!) ways to each other.  Because of my upbringing and ignorance, more than once I’ve experienced other people’s hurt over my comments and jesting.  It hasn’t been pretty. 

(As an aside though, people are the quirkiest things alive.  So hilarious!! Is there humour outside of making fun of them?!?  Really???)

I bring all this up because an acquaintance of mine has recently confronted me because she feels that I constantly mock her.  Honestly, I don’t even notice myself doing this….but even though I may not completely agree with her perspective, I know there is a lot I can learn.  The woman of integrity I want to be would treat everyone with respect. 

For me, the beginning will be getting more honest. (are we sensing a theme here people?? 🙂  I notice often my sarcasam comes out when I am frustrated/upset/annoyed but am too lazy/cowardly to deal with it directly.  That is the passive aggressive snark….The worst is the insecure snarking, putting others or myself down because of insecurity.  I always thought putting myself down was a safe and happy alternative…no one gets hurt and people think it is hilarious.  It literally rocked my world when someone suggested to me that that I wasn’t being very nice to myself.  That perhaps I did not need to make others laugh, feel comfortable and not threatend at my own expense.

Perhaps breaking the patterns of our childhood are difficult, but I want to believe,  DO believe with God’s help all things are possible.

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One response to “Reason not to blog

  1. I think laughing at yourself is ok, provided that you are trying to make a point or make an example of something as you explain something to your audience. Rather than really beating yourself up. Imagine how much more fun Job would have if he made fun of himself more during his ordeal..

    Great job blogging!

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