I remember distinctly making the decision that I no longer wanted to be a Christian. I was 19 yrs old, sick and tired of the guilt, the obligations in my schedule (really, every Sunday I *should* go to church?), the hypocrisy I felt myself descending into as my people pleasing nature and smooth tongue kicked in to cover my reluctance in completing the required tasks…
In my heart, I told God I was ending it between us. “Goodbye, God…I’m done.” Freedom here I come….
As I sat there on a public bus, I felt empty, alone…like I was leaving the love of my life. Yes, I could turn my back to the ‘God’ as society seemed to protray him, but not on the God of the secret places. I would catch a glimpse of Him every so often and He took my breath away…This God moved me…He just did. He made me want to know Him more and more…to be with Him at the cost of all else if necessary.
The famous novel (and subsequent film) The Colour Purple (Alice Walker) gets its title from the reminder the main character gets when after a tortured life (molestation as a child, forced marriage, rape, beatings, etc.) of faith she wonders about God’s goodness…She is told not to underestimate God’s simple purple flowers passed by every day in the fields as they whisper constantly, gently, unrelentingly; grace, grace, grace…..
I found Love and I just could not bear to let go….or more accurately,
Love would just not let go of me.
(“God is Love”, 1st John 4:8b)